George: Oh don't go. (Pause; smiles uncomfortably at the audience.) Maybe someone else will come out in a minute. (Pause.) Of course, sometimes people have sililoquies in Shakespeare. Let's just wait a moment more and maybe someone will come. (The lights suddenly change to a dim blue background and one bright, white spot center stage. George is not standing in that spot.) Oh dear. (He moves somewhat awkwardly into the spot, decides to do his best to live up to the requirements of the moment.) To be, or not to be, that is the question. (Doesn't know any more.) Oh, maid! (No response; remembers that actors call for "line.") Line. Line! Ohhhh. Oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I. Whether this nobler in the mind's eye to kill oneself, or not killing oneself, to sleep a great deal. We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our lives are rounded by a little sleep. (The lights change. The spot goes out, and another one comes up stage right. George moves into it.) Uh, thrift, thrift, Horatio. Neither a borrower nor a lender be. But to thine own self be true. There is a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. Extraordinary how potent cheap music can be. Out, out, damn spot! I comt to wive it wealthily in Padua; if wealthily, then happily in Padua. (Sings.) Brush up on your Shakespeare; start quoting him now. Da da...(Lights change again. That spot goes off; another one comes on, center stage, though closer to audience. George moves into that.) I wonder whose yacht that is. How was China? Very large, China. How was Japan? Very small, Japan. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all. Line! Line! Oh my God. (Gets idea.) Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. And I resolve to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life, Amen. (Friendly.) That's the act of contritionthat Catholic school children say in confession in order to be forgiven their sins. Catholic adults say it, too. Line! (Explaining.) When you call for a line, the stage manager normally gives you your next line, to refresh your memory. Line! The quality of good mercy is not strained. It droppeth as the gentle rain upon the place below, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil. Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well. Get thee to a nunnery. Line. Nunnery. As a child, Benedictine priests. I really rather liked the nuns, they were sor of warm, though they were fairly crazy too. Line. I liked the priests also. The school was on the grounds of the monastery--prayers, then breakfast, then prayers, then lunch, then prayers, then dinner, then prayers, then sleep. I found the predictability quite attractive. And the food was good. I was going to join the monastery after high school, but they said I was too young and should wait. And then I just stopped believing in all of those things, so I never did join the monastery. I became an accountant. I've studied logarithms, and cosine and tangent....(Irritated.) Line! (Apologetic.) I'm sorry. This is supposed to be Hamlet or Private Lines or something, and I keep rattling on like a maniac. I really do apologize. I just don't recall attending a single rehearsal. I can't imagaine what I was doing. And also you came expecting to see Edwin Booth and you get me. I really am embarrased. Sorry. Line! It's a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done before. (Sings the alphabet song.) a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t..(As he starts to sing, enter Ellen Terry, dragging two large garbage cans. She puts them side by side, gets in one.) Oh, good? Are you Ophelia? Get thee to a nunnery. (She points to the other garbage can, indicating he should get in it.) Get in? Okay. (He does.) This must be one of those modern Hamelts. (Lights change abruptly to "Beckett Lighting.")

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